I’ve officially lost 100 pounds from my highest weight, now. Down to 212 in a bit over a year. 45 of those came off in the past three months, according to BodySpace. No one ever believed me that I was fighting a crazy metabolism, but now I have proof! Take that!
(You can tell a lot about someone’s weight by their ankles!)
So, I think I’m officially not a fat guy anymore. I’m still technically ‘obese,’ but I’m at the point where I can suck in my belly and look normal. On the flip side, though, I’m in that frustrating ‘oh dear, he’s let himself go a bit’ zone for people that don’t know the situation. For the people that do (like coworkers), I’m a freaking miracle worker. Seriously, they won’t shut up about it.
Despite everything, I’m feeling good. A complicated kind of ‘good.’ It’s hard to explain, but I’ve been thinking about how I can articulate it. The best description I can come up with at the moment is that while I feel good, but I don’t feel good.
I feel amazing. I haven’t gotten winded in ages. We spent two days in New York and walking every which way was cake. I haven’t snored at all. I’m able to buy clothes in actual stores. Of course, it’s dumb to sing the praises of not being overweight, everyone knows you’re healthier thinner. Losing weight hasn’t solved all my problems though. I still get heartburn, I still have acne (probably until I die—I will have a big honker in the casket and everything).
Despite all that, I just don’t… feel very good. I sincerely and earnestly miss feeling good about how I look. It was something I never imagined I would be able to experience. Being around 300 pounds was the first time in my life I had ever genuinely liked the way I looked. I was happy to look in the mirror, and I was very proud of myself.
So, I really miss the way I felt. I don’t miss the way I felt though. If that makes sense. Regardless, this whole experience has helped me to try and measure my confidence and esteem from places other than my physical appearance. I still have goals for my body—I think I’d be lost without them—but I’m getting better about that being so critical for my happiness.
That being said, I don’t think I could take losing much more weight. 200 is about my minimum. I’m going to start bulking at the gym again here soon, and I’m excited to see what I end up looking like by the end of the year.