Gaining muscle and fat are both components of what I consider ‘gaining,’ so I don’t measure them independently.  You’re right in that you can’t measure yourself and use that as a guide for exclusively muscle progress, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing it!  Even if they have fat on them, big arms are something to be proud of.  Keeping track of your strength is a good way to make sure you’re consistently making progress (make sure to move up 5 or 10 pounds every few weeks!).

The thing that stinks is that muscles on a body type like mine will never look as big as they would on a thinner person.  Relative to my waist and stupid love handles, you can’t tell I have a decently wide back.  Because of my fat, my biceps don’t peak hardly at all, even though they are over 18 inches around, so they don’t look big.

My plans are just to get bigger in every way possible, and you can’t do that without gaining muscle.  You may never really fit in at the gym by keeping fat (I still get personal trainers haranguing me about sessions) but that’s never been my goal.  It’s impossible to try and please the gym-going type, because everything is a contest for them and fat is a sign of weakness.  I go for my own reasons, and I take a bit of pride in that.  Even if my biceps don’t peak.

I’ve bumped bellies with other gainers, but never with anyone else.  I don’t think I ever intentionally would for the sake of intimidation, because I’m a big weenie.

It’s going to be a long time before I can feel imposing.  It takes a very very large guy to look that intimidating rather than just fat, and I’m definitely not there yet.  I have had people acknowledge that I have muscle, but when you have a wide waist and no definition, they’re not impressed unless you’re strongman-size, apparently.

I’ve felt big a couple times, but it’s actually a pretty fleeting feeling for me.  Hitting milestone, or getting really nice compliments from people can really make me feel like I am a big guy.  But currently I don’t feel big at all, as I’ve lost a bit of weight (and I met up with some really big guys the other night).

I try not to let that stop me from being proud of progress I make, though.  I may not feel like the biggest guy out there, but I can at least be proud that I’m bigger than I was.  Also, by keeping that feeling just a bit out of reach sometimes, I’m motivated to get even bigger.

When I started, I loved the idea of being so out of shape like that because all of my experiences were in a fantasy world where the eroticism takes over logical thinking.  I still do daydream about it in stories or drawings ideas, as it’s a sign of completely giving in to the laziness and gluttony of gaining, but I wouldn’t want it for myself.

Realistically of course, it makes life quite difficult and embarrassing, and is cause for health concerns, which kind of takes all the eroticism out of it.

I can’t be the one who says you can’t join adult sites until you’re an adult, because that would make me a massive hypocrite.  I’m sure it’s something we all did, us young-starters.

That being said, respect the rules of the websites.  If it’s a dating/social networking site, you have the potential of getting people in trouble by being there.  I don’t recommend you join those because it can be a serious issue.  There are some message boards out there that allow underage folks in certain areas, or force you to be an observer until you’re allowed to start contributing.   There would probably be your better bet to learn what you need to learn.

Then there are sites like mine, where you’re always welcome to ask what you need to ask!  There are a lot of people out there with the knowledge and experience to help you learn.

I’m having that problem as well, though I find it quite erotic.  For more dominating guys, that may be a hard thing to take.  Depending on how your fat distributes, it may eventually become an impossibility.  It takes a special guy to be able to keep it up (despite what people write in some gainer fiction), so it may just be unfortunately something you have to give up.

That being said, it makes certain acts a lot easier, if you know what I mean.

I have a lot of complaints about this town (being literally half a block away from a Mitt Romney fundraiser at the moment isn’t helping), but something that’s been bothering me a lot lately is the lack of eye candy.

For those of you who don’t know, I moved from Kentucky (the 6th fattest state in the country) to Washington DC (the second thinnest).  It’s like an entirely different land here, for me.  Before, everywhere I looked there were big guys (and not just fat ones) to inspire and tantalize me and make me feel at home.  Now, I’m lucky if I stumble upon a lost tourist from the fatlands, and I try to snap a photo every time I can.

Living here almost forces you to be thinner.  There’s a ton of walking, everyone’s too focused on work to indulge, and definitely fat guys aren’t as respected in such a professional working world.

Anyway, today on the way home, a fella steps on my train one door down.  I know this because though I wasn’t looking, his heavy step shook the car as he got on.  He was only on for two stops, but I couldn’t stop watching him.  He was seriously all belly.  When he turned to the side, he looked like someone who had gone a bit crazy with the padding and stepped into disproportionate territory—but he was really that big.  If I had to put a number to it, I’d say 70 inches, easy.

I lusted for a few moments, as I usually do, while snapping blurry photos.  Imagining what it must feel like to have such a massive gut, ever-present and impossible for anyone to ignore.  But then I starting noticing his tired expression as he struggled to stay upright as the train shifted along.  I started thinking about the tough time he’s about to have walking to the baseball stadium, and other problems he probably faces with that body every day.

I ended up bumming myself out.  Sure it’s great to keep realistic in your aspirations, but I’m not happy about this apparent change in mentality.  I worry that this town is changing me and it will ultimately discourage me from my goals. 

People here get a lot of crap for being different.  If you’re not just another suit with boring hair and a briefcase, you will feel like an outcast.  I even got a lot of pressure I would have never gotten back home, and it’s making me extremely homesick.  I don’t have thick skin, and I know for sure that I’ll need to move somewhere else before I can happily pursue bigger things—and I hope it can be soon.

Let me caveat this with the point that I’m probably not the best person to give relationship advice.  I have only been in two real relationships in my life (though the second has lasted a while), and I’m always afraid to tell people to break things off, but I will share my thoughts because I do want to help.

My first reaction is that it is pretty understandable why he doesn’t want you daydreaming about fat guys.  He could be assuming that you that you appear to be more attracted to them than whatever body type he has.  Situations reversed, I’m sure you may have the same reaction.

Still, it’s a lot to ask for you to give up on your desires for the sake of a relationship, and then even more on top of that. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my own, it’s that compromise is critical for a relationship’s long-term health—and by giving you an ultimatum, it seems like he doesn’t want to compromise at all.  Since it would appear that you’ve made the (possibly very significant) compromise to not gain, it seems pretty unfair to keep you from even thinking about it, and a bit insulting for him to call something you like ‘stupid.’

If you gave up something to be with this person, he should make some sacrifices of his own.  If you choose to stay with him, you should try to negotiate this point.  Perhaps clarify that when you look at gainers, you’re just fantasizing about a desire for your own body that you chose not to pursue for the sake of your relationship, and that he shouldn’t be threatened by it.

That is, of course, assuming that that’s true.  If you are ogling big guys because you like them more than your partner—or more than that, if you’re daydreaming about a relationship where the body you want can be appreciated, that’s a problem that needs to be addressed.  I would never advocate forming relationships around physical attraction, but there’s no denying that said attraction is a critical component to a healthy relationship.

Hopefully this helps you in some way.  My impression is that you’re a bit unhappy with how things are going, so I hope things get better.

The most frequent question I get is for my best advice on gaining.  Annoyingly, I’m sure for them, my go-to answer is always patience.  I know it’s annoying, because no one wants to wait to see results—and no one more than I do, sometimes.

Patience means waiting out plateaus, or waiting for a better financial situation, or giving your body a break for a bit.  I’ve gone through all of them, and the latter is the current reason.  I gave my body a bit of hell in the last few months, and it’s making sure I know it.  So, for the sake of riding out this upcoming trademark swampy D.C. summer and letting my body grow accustomed to my new walk-heavy commute with this body, I’m taking the next few months off.

I hate taking breaks, especially if they’re unintended, just like everyone else does.  In an ideal world, gaining progress is a straight line.  In reality, though, it looks like this:

That’s my journey so far, in graph form.  Sometimes it goes swimmingly, other times… not so much.  In the long term, though, progress is made—as long as you have the desire, time is your only obstacle.  That’s why I advocate patience.  You won’t gain consistently and quickly, and neither do you want to.  It’s best for your long-term success to choose moderation—even though I have a hard time convincing myself this fact, sometimes.

I am still really embarrassed about that whole debacle.   I was too naive, thinking that someone would report on this in a completely non-bias way (one that wouldn’t portray me as a nutcase).

I especially hated how some of them made me seem like the freakin’ spokesperson for all gainers.  I know I annoyed a lot of people by doing that article, because frankly most guys I know would prefer to keep this lifestyle a bit of a secret (and now I can see why, holy shit).

I promise I’ll never do any more interviews.

Yeah, last month I put on just under 20 pounds.  I didn’t do anything different, but I had just come off a sorta-long plateau so I suppose it’s like pinching a hose or something—all came in one big wave.

I loved how I looked, of course, but I was a wreck.  My body just wasn’t ready for that much weight that fast.  Since then, I slowed myself down.  I lost 5 or so pounds to get my footing back so I could walk to work without back pain, and now I feel fine again.

I definitely can’t keep that rate up, even if it was still possible for me to, and I don’t recommend it to anyone who cares about being able to walk without pain.

Something that I’ve been working on in my spare time: I nostalgia a lot about the old cartoon growth scenes that were a bit part of my childhood. I decided to try and catalog them in a unique way: gif animations!

If you’re interested, give it a follow.  I’ll post things every so often (tumblr has a strict size rule and it’s annoying to optimize these things), so check back often. I’m always open to suggestions as well!

I always try to put quotes when I say ‘healthy’ gaining.  There will always be a lot of weight-related issues that you risk encountering when you’re a bigger person.  It’s all relative, of course.  ‘Healthy’ gaining is all about mitigation.

The first key thing is exercise.  Lifting weights helps build muscle to support your new weight so you can have an easier time moving around.  Cardio keeps your cardiovascular system in shape to help you keep your endurance up and your heart healthy.  (See more on working out.)

The second is nutrition.  It’s tempting to forgo important nutrients like fiber, vitamins and such for carbs and protein because healthy nutrients won’t help you gain weight nearly as well.  But, they are vital to keeping healthy no matter what you weigh, so even though it may slow your progress down, it is not wise to ignore them.  (See more on healthy foods.)

Speaking of slowing down, recently I learned that moderation is very important.  As you gain, your body has to adjust to keep up.  If you gain too quickly, you’ll start to feel really rotten.  Gaining about 10 pounds a month is a manageable pace. 

Last month, I gained twice that, and it was awful.  My feet hurt because they were swollen and pinched in my shoes; my back hurt because i suddenly had 20 extra pounds to cart around; I was sweating after the smallest activity—I felt like an old man, and it wasn’t worth it.

So, remember to be mindful of your health and make changes where you need to.  Slow and steady gains the most—and keeps it longer.

Glad to help, and glad to know there’s more married couples out there these days!  One day I will join you, once we’re in the right area.

This is a good time to append my last post about plateaus.  There are many cases where you will plateau despite making the right choices, but there are also situations where you feel like you’re eating as much as you should, but you really need to kick it up.

It’s important to know that as you grow, the amount of calories you need to even maintain your weight increases as well.  Eating X number a day starts to feel very normal and will increase your weight, and when you hit a plateau you feel like you’re doing everything you need to, but it’s really a signal that you need to take it to the next level.

Thankfully, having an outside observer is the perfect tool to help this.  While you may get into a habit of eating the same amount every day, your partner (or an encourager, or a curious friend, whatever) can help find new things for you to try—snacks before bed, more desserts, changing up your beverages—anything that adds just a little more to your daily intake that you wouldn’t have thought of. 

The smallest change may end up being the key to progressing again.  Breaking out of routine and continually pushing yourself forward is key for a lot of things, and gaining is no different.

“Normal” is subjective.  Naturally I’m biased, so I may not be the best person to ask—but of course you’re normal!

People like what they like, no matter what your orientation is.  There’s no need to repress it, or hide it, or worse try to change it.  I cannot describe how liberating it is to just let go and let yourself like whatever you want.

And trust me, you’re not alone.  I don’t have much interaction with women, but even then I see so many who love bigger partners—they all call their guys ‘teddy bears’ and I think it’s the cutest thing ever.  Spend some time searching for like-minded communities, you’ll be surprised what you find!