Anonymous asked: Hey Git, I have a question about relationships, specifically gay relationships. Firstly, background information. I just turned eighteen, and I'm going to graduate from high school and move off to college in a few months. After that, I want to find a nice guy to have a steady relationship with at college. Mainly, I'm attracted to bigger, hairier guys. However, I'm not sure I would be able to give up porn/masturbation. Is porn/masturbation a relationship deal breaker?
First, I must qualify this with my usual relationship advice warning: I am someone who has only had two notable relationships in his life, bear that in mind with my response!
My experience with the relationships of the other people in my life, though, have shown me that it’s generally the woman who takes issue with porn and masturbation. I’ve seen a few straight couples where this has caused a pretty sticky situation.
Gay couples tend to be much more open about talking about sex and such. (Perhaps too open, sometimes…) Perhaps it is because couples are more likely to share the same interests when it comes to what is attractive, and that makes it easier to mutually appreciate something.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that all gay men are alike. It is possible that your potential love interest would take issue with you watching porn, but frankly I wouldn’t put money on it.
Personally, I would consider it a bit unreasonable for someone to expect you give up masturbation. It’s a pretty natural and healthy behavior, and it would be a bit strange for someone (especially at your age) to not masturbate at all.
However, successful relationships are about compromise. If someone you are with objects to you watching porn or masturbating, figure out why that is. Does it make him feel insecure about himself? Is he feeling left out? There’s plenty that you can do to ease his worries, or come to an agreement that doesn’t cause hurt feelings.
Good luck with your search! There’s a lot of factors to consider in finding a good guy, I think you can at least drop that particular worry from your mind.